Wild times, no? Listen, I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me. This “girl” has been too damn busy for an eating disorder. I’ve spent my time growing and flourishing and evolving into a pretty cool, healthy human, if I do say so myself. But, as I’m sure you’re all aware, life has come to a screeching halt as we all adjust to this new normal of self isolation and endless hours of ennui.
So, what does that mean for those of us still struggling with eating disorders? Well, first and foremost, I’d like to make it abundantly clear that I don’t see recovery as a singular, monolithic experience. Perhaps for you, this extra time with your family has made it easier to access the support you need, especially during meal times. Perhaps the spare hours for introspection have paved the way for minor or major breakthroughs. On the flip side, maybe you’ve been doing well for a while, and isolation has you spiraling, hard. Or maybe its been real tough, and now its even tougher.
Eating disorders are masters at manipulating guilt, and of making us feel unworthy of even the most basic necessities (like food!). They’re also extremely adept at isolating us, and being driven further into that can be unbelievably challenging. The core of any eating disorder is a need for control, and with the state of the world, it’s hard not to cling on to any shred of control we have left. And it’s so much harder to hold yourself accountable for mealtimes (or even just getting out of bed) when you’re alone. If you’ve eaten anything today, I’m proud of you. And you should be proud of you, too.
Lets all cut ourselves lots of extra slack right now. It’s okay for things to be harder. I’ve been “fully recovered” for many years now, and the other night I had to ask Recovery Dad to stay on the phone with me until I’d finished dinner. No shame in that! We’re all having to adapt to new forms of coping. So here are some suggestions for how to manage right now.
Make yourself a list of people you can call or video chat, and tape it somewhere central. Pick two or three people off the list to call every day.
Ask someone (or a few someones) to hold you accountable for meals. Be it someone to keep you company over zoom while you eat, or someone waiting to see a picture of each meal, or someone to text you “Lunchtime!” at noon each day, build yourself the biggest safety net you can.
Put on your favorite comfort movie while you eat. For me, its Saw (2004).
Try having at least one meal a day outside. Nothing feels better than fresh air.
Make a list of safe foods, and stick it on your fridge. When meal time comes around, and nothing sounds good, pick one at random.
Make yourself a list of things you like and do at least one every day. Be it a bubble bath, (I much prefer them dense enough I can’t actually look at my body), making yourself a cup of fancy looseleaf tea, meditating, or making art, turn self care into a daily ritual.
Remember that recovery isn’t linear, and that each day presents its own challenges.
Reach out! Reach out! REACH OUT! Don’t make yourself do this alone.
Thats all for now, folks. I’m thinking about you, and I hope you’re doing okay. Linking some extra resources at the bottom for some rona specific help. Lets all try to take good care of ourselves.
Many virtual hugs,
Recovery Girl
If you are struggling with an eating disorder and are in need of support, please call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. For a 24-hour crisis line, text “NEDA” to 741741.
More resources for you:
National Eating Disorders Association COVID-19 Resources
Recovery First: Yes, Even in a Pandemic